“Once you stop learning, you start dying.” Albert Einstein was indeed on point. In this game of life, sometimes we win, and sometimes we learn. Alex walks us through the four ways to play any game in your personal and professional life as he shares some insights about coaching.
Discover the only two results you get if you play the game right. Over and above that, spot the three rules of work by Albert Einstein and why it is very motivating to look at everything you do as a game, be it politics, family, work, and personal life.
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Four Ways To Play The Game
In this episode, you’ll learn three key insights which I believe are critical to making you a highly skilled ethical influencer. Ethical influence is not something you’re born with. It’s a learnable skill. You’ll discover the four ways to play any game in your personal and professional life.
You’ll also discover the only two results you get if you play the game the right way. Third, you’ll learn the most important quote Albert Einstein ever said about learning. This episode could have a significant impact on how you can quickly and easily win the hearts of others.
In 2010, Los Angeles, California at the Los Angeles International Airport Westin Hotel, my good friend Dave Buck, CEO of CoachVille inherited from Thomas Leonard, who started CoachVille, taught a session to my students at the Ultimate Internet Bootcamp. That was a strategic alliance between T. Harv Eker and yours truly, Alex Mandossian.
While he was on stage, he talked about how life is a game and, in all coaching, the best way to coach someone is to identify what game they’re playing and how are they playing. If life is a game and it all depends on how you’re playing it then it’s interesting if you look at everything you do as a game whether it’s in politics, with your family, at work, even in your personal life.
We teach our clients and some of the best coaches in the world teach their clients how to play the game of their personal or professional life. The noblest way, the easiest way, most consistent and predictable way to develop a permanent change in your life. We want permanent change not temporary and that’s possible when you change the game you’re playing and when you change the way you play and how you play.
[bctt tweet=”You win or you learn.” via=”no”]
Here’s my question, “What game are you playing right now?” That’s the question Dave Buck asked my students in the audience. I thought about that. “What game am I playing?” If I named the game, I become more conscious. I go from unconscious incompetence to hopefully conscious incompetence.
That’s where learning begins and eventually that evolves to conscious competence and finally you go into a flow state which is unconscious competence like Steph Curry in basketball or LeBron James or Michael Jordan when he was playing. They’re in the flow and they don’t know how they’re doing it. They do it because they’ve done it many times.
What Dave taught me is there are four ways to play any game of life in your personal or professional life. There are only two results that you can get if you play a winnable game. Thank you, Dave, if you’re reading because a 30-minute talk onstage changed my life and changed the way I look at things.
This is my invocation with all our members at Marketing Online in our membership site because once you learn the game you’re playing and once you learn the four ways to play, you get to decide if you play a certain way then everything changes. When things change permanently and positively then your life changes and those around you have an impact on.
The 4 Ways To Play Your Personal And Professional Life
Let’s start from the beginning. What are the four ways to play any game in your personal or professional life? What Dave taught me is the first way is to refuse to play. Simply refusing to play the game. That’s a choice. That’s number one.
Number two, pretending to play. Do you know people in your life who pretend to play the game of life or the game that you’re in, maybe in business or with family, maybe a friend or your spouse? Pretending to play is worse than refusing to play because the decision to pretend is disingenuous. It’s not something that makes you predictable or trustworthy.
The third way Dave taught me to play is playing not to lose. Over 65% of my database are women and what women teach me in the entrepreneurial context and in business, women tell me that their challenge is playing not to lose. They’re playing defense the majority of the time. This is what they tell me. That’s not a bias I have towards them.
In coaching the female entrepreneurs, we focus on where are you playing not to lose in your life? You can’t win the game playing defense the majority of the time. True or false?
Choosing A Winnable Game
The fourth way is to play to win. I’ll give you a guess. Which of the four ways do you think Dave wanted us to play? Refuse to play, pretend to play, play not to lose or play to win? It’s playing to win. However, playing to win is not enough. You have to choose a winnable game. This isn’t like the game of chess, backgammon, checkers or a fellow or a board game that we’re talking about. Life is a game and there are certain sets of rules.
The only way that playing to win will be in your favor to make a predictable, permanent positive change in the future is first to choose a winnable game. If you’re playing an unwinnable game, playing to win can be exhausting. You will become an over-motivated underachiever. True or false?
[bctt tweet=”If you don’t get the result you want, change the action. ” via=”no”]
If you do choose a winnable game such as sales. Sales is a winnable game if you set up the process properly. If you prequalify 80% of the time and you promote 20% of the time. Most people play the unwinnable game. They promote 80% of the time. They are numb to the needs of their prospects and they get rejected because they’re only prequalifying 20% of the time.
For example, you can’t sell hamburgers to vegetarians and what this show has been all about is to find a winnable game in your selling process. You can call it enrolling clients if you don’t like the word sales. To enroll people through the seeding process, planting seeds, they’re like little hooks. Like the hook in a Velcro. You have the male and the female. You have tons of little hooks and that’s what causes that attachment. I like to do it through storytelling as I do with every single episode. That’s the new selling.
The best copywriters, the best salespeople whom I’ve ever known, my mentors over the years, the best spiritual leaders who have had an impact on humanity. They seeded what they were selling through storytelling because it’s hard not to win someone’s heart through a story.
It’s easy to have someone walk away if you’re making a claim or a prediction that they don’t believe in. It’s super hard if the story that you’re telling is interesting, which I hope Dave Buck’s story was. It’s also engaging and masquerading as a story is a way to eviscerate, not just to handle, not just to get rid of but to eviscerate objections in advance. That’s what I’ve learned over the years.
Find a winnable game. If you’re playing a winnable game, whatever part of your life you’re thinking about now then the only two results, if you’re playing to win in a winnable game, is number one, you win or number two, you learn. Let me repeat that because chances are you learn more often than you win. That’s the case. If you’re playing a winnable game and you know it’s winnable, you have the right mentorship, you have the right process that you’re in now.
If you’re playing a winnable game whether it’s in your marriage, with your relationships, with your business, whatever game you think you’re playing. If it’s winnable then there are only two results. You win or you learn. That’s win-win because learning only puts you in the position to win more often.
High Intention, Low Attachment
Here’s the way I teach my clients, students and members how to win more often. That is the game strategy of high intention and low attachment. I have no idea who taught that to me first but I do know that many mentors who have had an impact on me and I constantly remind myself to have a high intention.
That’s what I want but low attachment to the intermediary results. The results that happen as a result of my thoughts, feelings and actions. The result or outcome I get if I’m attached to it, then that may lead to disappointment That may lead to unmet expectations. That may lead to misguided intentions or miscommunication. If my intention is high and my attachment is low in every spiritual practice I know of talks about low attachment.
I’m sure there are a few exceptions but low attachment to the result because many times the result is none of your business. The result is a function of what you thought, felt and the action you took. If you don’t get the result you want, change the action. Make sure you’re playing a winnable game.
Albert Einstein’s 3 Rules Of Work
Detach from the result and attach yourself to changing your actions. That’s the most important thing because you want to become a life-long learner. Nothing gives me as much confidence, as much security and hope as learning. I spend at least an hour a day learning between reading, writing and growing. Albert Einstein said, “If you’re not learning, you’re dying.” Albert Einstein was a smart guy. I would go with that advice and admonition.
[bctt tweet=”Nothing gives you as much confidence, security, and hope as learning.” via=”no”]
The Alexism for this episode is this. The most important rule of any game is to play by its rules. I’m agnostic to the game that you’re playing but I’m attached to making sure you’re playing by the rules of the game you’re playing. You can’t play checkers with the rules of chess or vice versa.
Make sure you’re playing a winnable game. Make sure you’re playing to win. Make sure you’re detached from the result because the worst thing that can happen is that you learn. The best thing that can happen is you win. The most important rule of any game is to play by its rules.
Albert Einstein said, “If you’re not learning, you’re dying.” Winnable games played by lifelong learners are fun games to play. Ask yourself, “What game am I playing if you’re not getting the results that you want?” whether it’s in sales or in your personal life. Name the game because it is a game.
I want to quote Albert Einstein again about the three rules of work because I have a big framed poster at my home next to where I work. Here are the three rules of work according to Albert Einstein. Rule number one, out of clutter find simplicity. Rule number two, from discord find harmony. Rule number three, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. Those are the three rules of work according to Albert Einstein. I don’t hear them quoted often. I wanted to offer that to you as a gift.
What my good friend and most successful joint venture partner from all my work history are T. Harv Eker. He taught me a manifestation process that I knew in my gut existed but it was never articulated the way he did it in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth. That’s his bestselling book which leads to his Millionaire Mind Intensive which leads to other great programs if you’re familiar with him.
The manifestation process is TFAR, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions and Results. First you have a thought. That’s the head. It leads to feelings. That’s the heart which leads to an action you take which are the hands and then the result is based on the action you’re taking. If you don’t get the result you want, you change the action. Hopefully you don’t have to change your thoughts or feelings.
If you’re a massage therapist or a service professional, you want to make $1 million a year. That’s your thought. Your feelings or why you want to make that $1 million is up to you. I can come up with a dozen reasons but let’s say your thought is to make $1 million a year. That’s your intention. The feeling or the purpose is because and then you can fill in the blank. What action do you take?
Do you do over 14,000 massages a year and net $70 each? If you charge $100 an hour as a massage therapist, is it possible for you to do over 70 massages a day? I don’t think so. That’s not the right action to take but if you certify other massage therapists with your methodology and you charge them for it, you make money there. You have them go out maybe in a van with two massage tables and you have a mobile massage in front of homes in residential areas. That’s a possibility.
Massage Envy doesn’t do that, but Massage Envy makes over $1 million a year because the owners of Massage Envy here in the United States don’t do massage. They’re in the business of massage. You have to change the how. The how always gets in the way and if you change the how then you’ll take different actions and the result will fulfill your expectations. The most crippling result is unmet expectations simply because you’re taking the long action.
I hope I’m not ethereal. I hope this is concrete enough for you to get it. I’d love to hear your comments. A quick review about the insights you and I rediscovered in this episode is number one, the four ways to play any game in life. The first way is to refuse to play. Are you refusing to play in any of the games that you’re playing?
[bctt tweet=”The most crippling result is unmet expectations.” via=”no”]
Number two, pretend to play and that’s the most insidious of all. That’s worse than refusing to play. Sometimes it’s good to refuse to play a game that’s not winnable, but pretending to play? Why waste your time?
The third way is playing not to lose and if you are a woman reading now, be aware that at least the women in my database, the entrepreneurs and business owners. They tell me that this is their biggest challenge is they played defense the majority of the time.
That’s not a testament to the difference between men and women. Men play not to lose as well. I’ve done that but it’s something that should trigger some thoughts in your mind and you become more conscious of it. Playing not to lose is not a winning strategy.
The fourth way to play which I was taught from Dave Buck, CEO of CoachVille, is playing to win. That’s what I want you to do. I want you to play to win. That’s the first insight. The second is you must only play winnable games because if you’re playing an unwinnable game then the result will be disastrous and it’s a waste of time.
If you find a winnable game to play then you only get two results. Number one, you win. Number two, you learn. If you’re not learning, you’re dying according to Albert Einstein. The third insight is one of Einstein’s quotes beyond, “If you’re not learning, you’re dying,” because you want to be a lifelong learner.
His quote of the three rules of work is, “Number one, out of clutter find simplicity. Number two, from discord find harmony, and number three, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” I love that quote. I hope you do too. Remember, these insights can only work for you if you work them.
I want you to go to AllSellingAside.com/iTunes and type in your biggest takeaway or a-ha moment you experienced during this episode. If you’ve already done it then write it on an index card, but if you haven’t, go to the review section. It will help me out a lot.
Make sure you rate the episode as well. I hope I’ve earned five stars from you. If I haven’t then read another episode that is five-star worthy and then gives me five stars there. Go ahead, declare your one big takeaway either on an index card, if you’ve already given me a review or in the iTunes review section at AllSellingAside.com/iTunes. It will take about a few minutes out of your day but what you publicly declare could provide you a lifetime of learning. You know how important that is to me.
I have one final gift in honor of this nineteenth episode of All Selling Aside and that’s a complimentary copy of my eBook that’s titled Alexisms: Useful Lessons from a Recovering Serial Entrepreneur, that’s me. You can buy it for $20 on Amazon or you can get it for free at this website AlexismsBook.com. I figured why pay $20 when you can get it for free? Be my guest to get the hardcover or softcover from Amazon if you want. That will do it for this episode.
I do hope our paths cross again next time for All Selling Aside. This is the show dedicated to making an ethical influence within your reach so that you can achieve and even exceed your sales potential. Do whatever it takes to join me next time because our topic will be What Makes Leaders Weak? Think about that. I encourage you to invite a friend or bring a study buddy because it’s more fun to learn together and I can’t wait to connect with you then. All good wishes.
- Harv Eker
- Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth
- Millionaire Mind Intensive
- Massage Envy
- Alexisms on Amazon